The last words I wrote in my journal this morning: “I am fearful.” I put it all out there for God. Raw and honest.
I am fearful of our upcoming trip to Tanzania. I am fearful we won’t be ready – physically, mentally or spiritually. I am fearful that my husband, who is a member of the Blood, Sweat and Compassion Team trekking to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro as a clean water fundraiser, will get sick or eaten by a tiger or fill-in-the-blank-here with any other calamity. I am fearful of altitude sickness for all the Team. I am fearful for my safety and health as I am staying behind in Arusha. I am fearful to be separated from my husband and the Team for 6 days. On and On.
So many doubts and second thoughts were spinning around in my head. “Why did we decide to do this? I don’t recall praying about it and putting it before God to seek His Will. Are we nuts? Something bad is going to happen.” The list was growing and my fears were snowballing.
But my God knows me and my long list of fears; and He can handle all of it. He is cool with me admitting what He already knew was welling up inside of me. AND He knew what I needed to read this morning from His Word. He met me where I was – on a high speed merry-go-round of fear with no stopping in sight.
I will be with you
Five words. They were what I needed to hear. “I will be with you.” Thank you! Keep leaning in and shouting at me, Lord. You know I can be hard of hearing You. “I will be with you.” Over and Over. I needed reminded, just like Moses.
But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
God’s answer, “I will be with you.”
Exodus 3: 11-12 NIV
Moses, like me, continues throughout Exodus chapters 3 and 4 to hem-haw, doubt, question, fear, offering more and more excuses.
“I will be with you.”
So I will continue to bring my “What if’s” and my “I can’t do this” and “We must be crazy” and lay them down at His Feet as He lovingly responds, “I will be with you.”
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your Presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your Hand will guide me, Your Right Hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139:7-10 NIV
I am being held by His Mighty Right Hand. I am not just being held; I am being held fast. That means tightly; to remain tightly secured. Thank you, Lord, for the reminder.
“I will be with you no matter where you go.”
Photo credit: “Master and Commander”